I have a lot of faults.
I clean the kitchen before I cook.
I make terrible food. I strive to eat unprocessed foods, which also spoil easily. So, frequently I make food based on the logic that it needs to get eaten and it’s good for me. The other day, I made a smoothie with two apples because we had 14 and if I didn’t start being resourceful, they would go bad.  The apples didn’t blend well and it was like eating bland soggy oatmeal. It tasted terrible and wouldn’t even suck up the straw. But I ate it anyway.
I get crabby because it takes me forever to get to work in the morning when my office is only 3 steps down the hallway. Why?  Because, I force myself to make my bed before I can start working for the day. But, it doesn’t stop at making the bed. I need to eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up. I have chosen to eat eggs, which I loathe, on the premise that they’re good for me and will help me to be the lean machine that I want to be. However, I have to clean the kitchen before cooking and eating my not-so-delicious breakfast. What a motivating morning?!? It’s not shocking that I dislike getting out of bed.
I own 4 coffee makers and still go to Starbucks because I haven’t figured out how to make it right at home.
I despise grocery shopping.
I only read books about business because I thrive on learning but never read anything for fun.
I don’t have any hobbies. When I got inspired to learn how to play the drums, my obsessive to-do list shadowed guilt on any time that I spent doing rudiments.
I don’t know how to relax because I fill all my time with projects. It isn’t weird for me to want to fold laundry on a Friday night.  Not because I like it but because I actually feel guilty when I have things that I “should be” doing. IT NEVER ENDS!  I’m never bored because I’m plagued with an obsession to get things done and checked off the list.  It’s exhausting.
The other day, I was inspired to do something. I had a great idea and was passionate about how it would bless the world. Then I told myself that I had to get my accounting done before I could work on that project. Well guess what? Accounting took the whole day. Then, I needed to get referral cards sent out, then filing my sales tax, then answering emails, then working on images that I had to get done….the bottom line is that I never did it.
How did I get here?
The truth is, I know how wrong that whole thinking process is on the path to success. You can never succeed in business if you’re so busy working IN the business that you never work ON the business. If I ignore the passion and inspiration because I obsess about the daily grind, I can never succeed at becoming something that everyone else is not. I thrive emotionally on making a difference in other people’s lives. How can I do that when I’m so busy working on things that don’t matter?
I know this. It makes me unhappy.  And yet, I still haven’t made it stop.
I could blame the Marine Corps and use the excuse that it’s just me trying to control the few things that I can in my life when everything else is out of control. I could blame my childhood because I grew up in chaos and now I’m compensating. I could choose any excuse in the world and go on living like this. But, I know better. Making excuses doesn’t fix anything. In fact, it makes us worse.
I am in charge of my own life. In spite of all my faults, I’m going to change. The power to control our own thoughts is more valuable than we understand.  It isn’t enough to observe and make resolutions. I need to take action.
So, today, I’m going to run 6 miles and attempt to paint a replica of this Picasso painting that I’ve been loving. And tomorrow, I’m going to take a windsurfing class at 11:30. Cheers to less work and more play in hopes of being happier and, in turn, more productive.
Joy
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Joy
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